Martian Water has Some Worried

Recently it was discovered that water is flowing on the surface of Mars. While the scientific community is prancing in the streets like so many school girls on holiday in the Alps, other groups are taking a more conservative view of the news.

Environmentalists were immediately up in arms after the announcement. Through careful photo analysis, many environmental experts have concluded that the water is actually raw sewage being pumped directly onto the surface from the underground dwellings of the notoriously environmentally unconscious Martian population. Protesters immediately took action and built a makeshift spaceship out of recycled aluminum cans that was to be powered by cow manure. However, before they could even blast off, they were grounded by their own environmental regulations which strictly prohibit the use of manure as a propellant.

The court of Our Imperial Majesty George the Merciless of the American Empire, was also concerned about the water flow. Outgoing Minister of War Donald Rumsfeld claimed that the water flows could be indicators that the Martians are fueling their warships in preparation for an invasion while Imperial Magistrate Cheney proposed that the water was merely a feint and that the actual attack would come from Muslim extremists in Iran. As a precaution Our Imperial Majesty George the Merciless has ordered that a study be done on the feasibility of simultaneous bombardment of Iran, Mars, and the Moon, the so called “New Axis of Evil.”

More details can be found in the following article from the Washington Post.