The end is nigh
In case you haven’t heard, a larger black spot was recently, er, spotted on Jupiter. Preliminary analysis indicates that it was probably caused by the impact of a comet or asteroid (and not millions of self replicating alien computers attempting to ignite a fusion reaction in the planet as I first suspected). The impact was completely unexpected and just goes to show how blissfully unaware we will probably be when the next comet or asteroid comes barreling in on Earth. Live for today people.
Don’t worry, Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck, and their gang of lovable misfits will save us. It’s not like they’re doing anything else lately.
If those people are our only hope, I’m not sure we are worth saving.