I’m a Fat Ass

Who is the most discriminated against group in America? Is it Blacks? …no. Is it Mexicans? …no. Is it white males? …no, but close. Okay, I’ll tell you. It’s fat people. Fat people are the most loathed, despised, and openly ridiculed population in the United States.

How did I come to this conclusion? Well, one day I was listening to the radio and a caller just came out and said it just like I did in the paragraph above. Then I thought about it and he was right. Almost everything in this society discriminates against fat people in some form or fashion.

Clothing manufacturers discriminate against fat people. They don’t take into account that fat people are built differently than regular people. They just take regular clothes and make them bigger. For example, trousers and jeans. I am a size 42-44 in the waste. However, I have to wear a size 46. Why is this? Because of my fat thighs. Pants that fit me in the waste never have legs that will fit me, so I am forced to buy a size too large and then cinch it up with a belt. Additionally, they don’t take into consideration my fat ass. I am forced to wear clothing that is often times nadger restrictive because they don’t make the crotch and butt areas big enough. Not only does this hurt like hell, it could also be affecting my sperm count!

Wal-Mart and other discount clothing retailers also discriminate. If you’ll notice they usually don’t carry any sizes above a 42 in men’s clothing. Tommy Hilfiger and Ralph Lauren are also guilty of this and if I wasn’t such a cheap bastard, I’d be pissed at them too. I’ve also heard fat women complain that they can’t find bras that fit. Just because a woman is fat doesn’t mean she has double-d cups.

Universities discriminate against fat people by not making their classroom desks big enough. Only anorexic cheerleaders can fit into those things. Sometimes I think they are buying desks that are built for third graders, not full grown adults. This makes fat people uncomfortable in class and gives regular students an edge over them. Universities also discriminate against fat people by not offering special physical education courses designed with fat people in mind. There’s nothing wrong with getting in shape, but I don’t want to be thrown into a course and expected to perform just like all the regular people. Even if I do less, it is still just as hard for me because I’m out of shape. And the other students laugh and make fun and it’s not a pleasant experience. In fact, it’s a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Fat people are discriminated against by the government because we get no special recognition of our status as a minority. The number of fat people grows everyday, but we are still outnumbered and society uses all their power to keep us down. If I were to go for a job interview at Dillards, who will get hired? Me with my list of references and past experience in sales? Or that slim, good looking guy who is slim and looks good and that’s about it? At work, who gets more recognition? Me when I show up to work everyday, work hard, and come in when some else is sick? Or is it Slim Goodbody when he helps a little old lady across the street while I’m busting my butt to do all my work and his? I think you know what the answers to these questions are. All I’m asking is for a fair shake in life and if it takes a little assistance from the government, then that’s what it takes.

What can you do to help? I’ll tell you. All you have to do is treat the fat people in your life like anyone else. Don’t make fun of them (unless they deserve it), don’t make oinking noises around them, and don’t blame all the farts on them. Skinny Guys, fat women know how to satisfy themselves and can probably teach you a thing or two. Skinny Gals, fat guys tend to jack off a lot so they can last forever in bed.

Here’s some advice to the fat people. Fat women, don’t be afraid to show some skin, guys like that sort of thing (but be tasteful please). Fat guys, keep your shirt on, it’s best for all. And finally, don’t think everyone hates you because you’re fat. If everyone hates you, it’s probably because you have a shitty personality.